irreparable (shut up)

(This is not about anybody here.)

I wish people would stop trying to fix me.  I’m not looking for people to fix my circumstances for me. My circumstances suck, and there’s really no way around that at this point in time. I’m a smart and resourceful person, and if there were solutions that would work, I would’ve found them. When people try to fix my life, we just go around and around in circles because I have already made use of all the resources that are available to me, so I just end up feeling more isolated and hopeless because it just becomes this litany of suggestions and rejections. That just distances me from everyone, and that’s the last thing I need.

What I really need is support, not fixing. I need people to relate to me as a person, not as a problem to be solved and then checked off the list. I have no connections in real life. I don’t matter to anyone. No one is even around to notice I’m having a major PTSD meltdown, let alone care about that fact. I need to feel like people understand and care, but when people give me a long list of “have you tried this,” I feel like I’m not even really a person. I wasn’t a person to the people who hurt me, and now I’m not a person to the people I’m looking to for support, either. I know that’s not the intention, but that’s how it feels to me. It feels like no one wants to actually listened to what happened or how I feel about it, so they just throw solutions at me from a distance. So I don’t know, maybe I really don’t belong here. Maybe I don’t belong anywhere. I feel like I shouldn’t talk at all.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “irreparable (shut up)

  1. Totally get where you’re coming from! There’s a time for practical help and a time to shut up and listen. I’m sorry things are so tough for you at the moment.

    • Thanks. I’m always so afraid when I say things like this, I come off sounding like an ungrateful asshole, but at the same time, it makes me feel SO much worse to have conversations where I just need a connection, but the conversation just turns into, “Have you tried this? And this? And this?”

      • Yep!! And it’s kind of offensive that people think you haven’t tried anything or haven’t thought of the obvious… I’m sure that when you’re feeling less stressed you’re better at putting that out there more diplomatically.

      • Yes–it does feel offensive. I’d never quite been able to articulate that, so thank you.

        I get that it’s hard to sit with someone else’s distress. The natural impulse is to fix it, to make the problem go away. We don’t know what to do when we can’t fix it, so often we just get frantic and start throwing more solutions out and throwing them harder. Then the person on the receiving end has to ducks and cover, and no matter how well-meaning, having things thrown at you hurts and makes you feel alone.

        It’s hard to sit with someone else’s distress, but my experience is that it usually makes me feel better no matter which role I’m in, once I can get through that initial discomfort.

  2. Sorry I am late replying to this. It feels awful to feel like you don’t belong anywhere. I get that. I’m sorry the people who are meant to help, don’t. That’s really terrible on their part. As professionals they have a duty of care to you their client. XX

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