Can’t Take It Anymore

I’m in a serious crisis.  My roommate is in the kitchen screaming about me to her mother, and it’s taking EVERYTHING that I’ve got in me not to just kill myself right now.  I need to pee, but I can’t even come out of my bedroom.  I’m afraid to be in my own house.  It’s so bad that the only way out I can see is to kill myself.  I know I’m not rational right now, and I’m really trying to stay in control, but I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to.

I’ve called and emailed C and asked her to get in touch with me as soon as humanly possible, but I don’t know if she’s even working today since it’s a holiday.  She doesn’t have a cell phone, and she doesn’t have internet at home–so if she’s not at work today, then she won’t get my messages until tomorrow.  I don’t think I can make it that long.  Even if she does call me, I can’t say very much because Roommate might overhear.

I also texted the landlady and told her I need to talk about the roommate situation ASAP, but I haven’t heard back from her yet either.  She’s probably working too.

I even left a message for my case manager, but she only works Wednesday through Sunday.  Besides, her answer is just going to be to hospitalize me, which won’t help.  I mean, it gets you away from the immediate situation, but then you get out and you’re right back in the same situation.

I don’t know what to do.  I’m seriously falling apart, and I don’t have anywhere else to turn.  Even if I thought a suicide hotline would answer, I’d be afraid to call because Roommate could hear me.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “Can’t Take It Anymore

  1. its good you reached out. i’m glad you did. do try to go to the bathroom. please dont kill yourself. she’s not worth that. Hopefully your landlady will text you back soon. xx

  2. Leave the house. Take a walk. Call a crisis line. Please.

  3. I wish I could pick you up and we could just take off, find a happier place up be. I also wish that roommate of yours would shut her senseless mouth. 😦

    • I wish we could do that too. I’m just doing my best to hang on, but it’s not going great right now.

      How are you doing? ❤

      • Hanging in there too, although some days I’m not sure why I bother either. xox I’m glad that day is past. Hope your roomie grows some manners some day soon. 😦

  4. She’s not worth it. I know what it’s like. Can you do an online chat room with a hotline? Some hotlines have those. Hope things get better.

    • I tried one of those a few weeks ago when I was in crisis. I sat there waiting to get to the head of the line for twenty minutes, and then it just never went anywhere. I never got to talk to anyone. So I don’t think that’s really a reliable resource, unfortunately.

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