Give Me a Name

When I started this blog, I chose the name Hope.  I think I was mostly just trying to convince myself of something I didn’t feel, and it hasn’t worked.  I rarely feel hope, and I definitely don’t feel like Hope.

So I changed my display name to “nobody.”  It’s how I feel about myself: like I barely exist, that I don’t really matter, and that my disappearance wouldn’t make much of a difference to the world.

Several people have pointed out that calling myself nobody is not very kind to myself, and it just reinforces the negative things I already feel about myself.  They’re right, of course.

But there’s no other name that feels like it fits me.  I have so many names.  My real, legal name, none of it belongs to me.  My first name is my maternal grandmother’s, my middle name is my paternal grandmother’s, and my last name is my father’s.  None of them are truly mine.  Different parts have their own names, but none of them are mine or ours, collectively.

In many spiritual traditions, a person takes a new name when their life changes or when they’re in need of healing.  I think I fit both of those criteria.  Traditionally, a religious leader or community gives the person their new name, and it reflects something that’s either already characteristic of them or something they can aspire to.  I don’t really have a community in real life; the blog world is the closest thing I have.

So I’m looking for suggestions.  I’m looking for a name.

(It’s very hard for me to ask for this, and I don’t know exactly why.  I think mostly I feel like I don’t even deserve a name.)

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14 Comments

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14 responses to “Give Me a Name

  1. Bourbon

    ‘nobody’ does make me chuckle when I get an email saying “nobody likes your post on crazyinthecoconut” 😉 As for a new name… wow I am rubbish at names. I feel like saying something that means something, like brave or strong but perhaps it needs to be something more neutral so you don’t feel like you have to “live up” to your name! x

  2. Right now I do not have the time to devote to making suggestions for a new name. However, I did want to comment that I’m going to be thinking about it long and hard. It’s difficult finding a name that suits oneself. Go with something too positive, and all it will do is remind you of what is negative. Go with something too negative, and it becomes an undesirable skin.

    I shall post another comment later when I have a suitable list for you. Though, I shall not be disappointed if you find a new one by then! In the meantime, I wish you all the best in your search!

  3. I always think it’s funny/ironic when you respond to my blog, it says, “Nobody likes your post.” It always makes me smile. I thought you were just being ironic and cute. I think it’s cute anyway. But not if it makes you feel bad about yourself of course. But you are cracking other bloggers up.

    What about, “Another Name Entirely?” Then it’s not too different for your current followers to lose you and it’s still ironic because it’s not another name entirely, it’s just a small name change. lol. Just a thought. Maybe you wanted something more dramatic.
    Looking forward to seeing what you change to.

  4. happilydpressed

    One of my favorite novels is “The Giver” by Lois Lowry. I reread it a few months back and realized it is a quartet- four book series. Of course, I got the books right away and read them all.

    I don’t personally know you. But the protagonist in one of the books, “Gathering Blue”, reminded me of you. She was a girl who felt unwanted by society, she didn’t have much, and she was born with “a twisted leg” so she walked with a cane. I don’t mean that to sound rude if it does, but when I read it, I thought of you. And as I got further, I thought of you more.

    The girl had a gift to weave the future in patterns of yarn. You have a gift to knit beautifully. I remember the wedding shawl and socks…

    She was strong. Despite all her ailments and all of her losses, the girl kept trying. Just like you seem to do.

    She had her own mind and spoke for what’s right.

    Her name was Kira.

    I looked it up and found that the name means “foresight” and “dark warrior”, which doesn’t seem right for you…but if you change the spelling, make it your own…Kira becomes Kyra.

    Kyra means a “strong woman”, a “beam of sun”, and a fighter.

    To me, that’s what you are…you are hope, you are strong, and you are a warrior.

  5. Bellydancers often have their dancer names… I was told once by another dancer that it didn’t count unless someone else gave you the name. I decided that was crap and no one else was better suited to know me and name me. It took a while to come up with the right name. I tried favorite characters from books/tv, I tried different goddesses. I wanted something to represent living fiercely. I found that Kali represented the fierce part. Imara meant life. So Kali Imara, K’mara became my name.
    When reading about different goddess? I loved Amaterasu – from goddessgift.com:

    Amaterasu, depressed and grieving over this violation by her brother, crept away to a dark cave in the mountains and refused to return to the heavens. Without her there was no sun, and the rice fields lay dying in the endless night, while the people grew hungry.
    Hundreds of the gods and goddesses came to the entrance of her cave and begged for Amaterasu to come out. But her grief was so great that Amaterasu could not be moved by their pleas.
    Finally, Uzume, the goddess of mirth, came up with a plan. The gods rolled a large bronze mirror in front of the entrance to the cave while Uzume began to dance on a large overturned tub. Her dance frenzied and ecstatic, her feet drumming on the tub, Uzume hoisted her kimono and the crowd roared and laughed with delight.
    Amaterasu could hear the feverish laughter and drumming and became curious about its origin. Hoping to peek out of the cave’s entrance, she was momentarily dazzled by her own reflection in the bronze mirror and was unable to see what was happening.
    When she crept further out, the gods captured Amaterasu and sealed the entrance to the cave so that she could not return.
    Her grief dissipated by the revelry and good humor she found around her, Amaterasu returned to her home and her light once more shone upon the earth.

    I think, given the right mirror, you could be a sun goddess ❤

  6. jesuswithoutbaggage

    Perhaps Butterfly. A butterfly is delicate and vulnerable, yet it is the source of great beauty.

  7. After further reflection, I thought about a name you might want to use. I tried thinking about simple, straightforward names that you might like. Getting rid of the ones that were too ambitious in either hopefulness or cynicism, I had an interesting thought.

    You are somebody to someone, to a great many people in fact. Directly and indirectly, you affect people for the better. Reading some of your posts has helped me deal with my issues. So I can rightly say that my existence has been lengthened and strengthened by your words. Because of all of this, you might want to consider the name “somebody” or “someone.”

    It isn’t too terribly ambitious, a gentle reminder that what you have done already has mattered to some.

  8. Something that represents your passion for politics and justice. That’s what I’d suggest. You’re not a nobody but I know how that feels sometimes.

  9. Ohhh I LOVE these…OK..well I loved the suggestion of the name
    KIRA, that totally fit you….. I also loved the belly dancer name/goddess idea….NOW, the justice idea is really awesome for you….ADIA, which I love means justice in Tanzania. Also, I like ANASTASIA, it means rebirth, which is kind of what you are looking to do. 🙂

  10. Val’Asha or Kali Asha could both mean Fierce Hope. (Val is short for Valorie which means Fierce and Asha means Hope.)

  11. I am so glad you are trying on a name here! I hope that you find it fits, over time, or if not, that you seek out another. This past year, I have been doing my own elaborate dance with the “who am I now? how can I call a new self into being?”-type questions. Some of that has meant trying out nickname versions of the given name I go by IRL; some of it led to willing “Alice Isak” into being. And I have come to like being Alice quite well indeed…

    I’ll be honest: interacting online with someone calling herself “nobody” made me very nervous. I worried about contributing to a self-obliteration that such a naming seemed to point to. Names — especially self-selected ones — do not just represent us; they are tools that shape us, as well. I haven’t read much of your blog work yet, but certainly enough to know you have a voice I want to know better. I am glad you are giving that voice another chance at being named!

  12. lifeinslowmotion

    I love the name you chose for yourself.

  13. well, you did find a new name. I’m so happy for you. and congrats for asking. I know that’s not an easy thing to do. so good for you. Kyra is an awesome name too. xoxo

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