So today I collapsed in the Walmart parking lot and proceeded to have a sobbing meltdown. Apparently I’m one of THOSE Walmart people now.
I understand why it happened: I’m finally just getting over the sinus infection, I’m still dealing with the gut problems, and now I’ve got my period on top of that. I could barely stand long enough to get from the bed to the bathroom, but this was the day C could take me grocery shopping. I thought I could push through it.
Apparently I can’t.
I told her just to take me home, even though I hadn’t done any of my grocery shopping. She offered to go into Whole Foods and buy my groceries for me, but I said no. I just wanted to go home…but also I couldn’t come to terms with not being able to do such a basic thing for myself. I mean, C’s not going to be around forever. She’s not even supposed to be seeing me at all anymore, but we just mutually don’t mention that.
And next week I get to hear my gastroenterologist blow off my fatigue and weakness because my labs look fine. I really like him for most stuff, but I feel like he just isn’t taking this seriously. I mean, at my last appointment, I told him I have trouble standing up for more than 60 seconds, and he told me to reduce my dosage of iron. I know I’m probably reading too much into it, but I keep thinking he thinks I’m just being histrionic because I have a psych history. I really like him most of the time, but I don’t know how to make him understand how bad this is.
Maybe I just need to collapse in his office and start sobbing on the floor. Too bad I can’t do that at will.
My RN friend is going with me to the appointment, though, so maybe she’ll be able to help get the point across. Of course, then he’ll probably just send me to some other specialist, and that’ll take weeks to get an appointment, and then they’ll do tests, which will take more weeks, and meanwhile my level of functioning will continue to decrease.
Oh, and for added fun, it’s going to be yet another month before I can get my Nexplanon implant, too. It has to be done during the first five days of your period. I called today when my period started, but apparently their supplier screwed up. They don’t have any implants, and the nurse couldn’t tell me when they’d be getting more. And my NP wasn’t working today, so I have to wait for her to call me back tomorrow and find out what the hell we’re doing about that. Or I may just beg her to do a hysterectomy if the pain doesn’t let up.
Could something, ANYTHING, please go right for me?