I don’t know how to cope with this exhaustion anymore.
I slept 11 hours last night, and right now I can barely sit up. My body won’t sleep anymore, but it’s not functioning, either. I’m supposed to be doing a predictive dialer phone bank tonight, but I think I’m going to have to cancel. I mean, my hands are so weak I’m having trouble typing. I’m having to wear my wrist brace again because the latest joint pain is my left wrist. The brace drives me crazy, but it’s the only thing that keeps my wrist from hurting every time I move my arms.
Something is wrong with me, and no one is taking it seriously. My gastroenterologist, who’s otherwise awesome, just blows it off as a symptom of the UC. I know some fatigue is normal, but not like this. I mean, I’m not flaring, so there’s no UC-related reason I should be this fatigued and weak.
I should probably go back to my primary care doc, but how would I even get there? It’s now a two-mile walk on a road with no shoulder to get to the bus stop, then two buses. I can’t physically handle that.
I’m going to look into the paratransit buses that pick you up and drop you off at your door, but without a diagnosis, I’m not even sure I’ll qualify. I don’t have a doctor to write a letter saying I’m too sick to use regular public transit because I can’t even get to a doctor in the first place. Plus, the paratransit service is 2-3 times as expensive as the regular buses, and you have to go to an in-person interview at a place half an hour away. How the fuck do you think I’m going to get there if I don’t get paratransit?
I just can’t deal with this right now. Everything just feels so overwhelming, and I want to just go back to bed. But I have to find a new roommate.