overwhelmed by exhaustion

I don’t know how to cope with this exhaustion anymore.

I slept 11 hours last night, and right now I can barely sit up.  My body won’t sleep anymore, but it’s not functioning, either.  I’m supposed to be doing a predictive dialer phone bank tonight, but I think I’m going to have to cancel.  I mean, my hands are so weak I’m having trouble typing.  I’m having to wear my wrist brace again because the latest joint pain is my left wrist.  The brace drives me crazy, but it’s the only thing that keeps my wrist from hurting every time I move my arms.

Something is wrong with me, and no one is taking it seriously.  My gastroenterologist, who’s otherwise awesome, just blows it off as a symptom of the UC.  I know some fatigue is normal, but not like this.  I mean, I’m not flaring, so there’s no UC-related reason I should be this fatigued and weak.

I should probably go back to my primary care doc, but how would I even get there?  It’s now a two-mile walk on a road with no shoulder to get to the bus stop, then two buses.  I can’t physically handle that.

I’m going to look into the paratransit buses that pick you up and drop you off at your door, but without a diagnosis, I’m not even sure I’ll qualify.  I don’t have a doctor to write a letter saying I’m too sick to use regular public transit because I can’t even get to a doctor in the first place.  Plus, the paratransit service is 2-3 times as expensive as the regular buses, and you have to go to an in-person interview at a place half an hour away.  How the fuck do you think I’m going to get there if I don’t get paratransit?

I just can’t deal with this right now.  Everything just feels so overwhelming, and I want to just go back to bed.  But I have to find a new roommate.

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14 Comments

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14 responses to “overwhelmed by exhaustion

  1. mandy

    I’m so sorry Hope. Something has to give soon. I hope you can get new roommates–that would take so much stress off you. Fingers crossed something good happens. ❤

  2. fadingfriction

    I’m not sure if you have access to doctors who travel to you? I’m sorry you’re struggling so much x

    • LOL, not on Medicare and Medicaid. Plus I live in a mostly rural area, so I don’t think we even have services like that out here. At least not that I’ve heard of.

      • fadingfriction

        Oh sorry, I’m from Australia, so it’s a bit different here. Wasn’t sure…

      • Sadly, where I live, medical services are harder to access than they should be. At the other end of the state, in Boston, it’s much much better, but I can’t afford to move there. But here in the western end of the state, there aren’t as many doctors and hospitals, and they’re not as good. For instance, there’s only one gastroenterology practice in my area, and it routinely takes 3-4 months to get an appointment, even as an established patient. I imagine it’s the same for other specialties. There aren’t enough primary care docs, either. When my previous PCP refused to treat my asthma, it took almost 2 months for me to find another PCP who was even taking new patients.

      • fadingfriction

        That sounds so frustrating. I’m sorry it’s so hard to access the services you need.

  3. Our paratransit is free, not sure if you need a diagnosis but when I was living at a board and care one of the other residents used it to get to support groups. Sucks the resources you have out there, I hope you can keep holding on and something comes up with the roommate situation.

  4. Really sorry to hear things are so tough for you at the moment!

  5. That really sucks Hope. I wonder if you need an IV of iron or something. I wish I could do more to help.

  6. I hope you find a way to get there. It must be awful being sick and unable to see someone. Keeping everything crossed that you’ll be able to avail of paratransit. XX

  7. I’m sorry things are so hard, and I know that the anxiety is itself draining and exhausting. Thinking of you xx

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