I can’t care anymore.

I give up.  I can’t care anymore about all the stuff that’s stressing me out.  I have nothing left.

cupofcare

If I keep searching through Craigslist ads and emailing people who never email me back, I will well and truly lose it.  So I’m done.  I have no fucking clue how I’m going to pay rent this month, but I’m done.  I mean, I’m literally shitting myself from stress.  I can’t do it anymore.

It’s this or kill myself so I guess this is better or something?

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15 Comments

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15 responses to “I can’t care anymore.

  1. I’m so sorry. Its really disappointing that nobody emails you back. That would stress me out, too. At least your writing here though, thats a good thing. Perhaps commenters will have suggestions for you. I know I dont and I am sorry. But know that I care and want the best for you. XX

    • I just don’t even care if they don’t email me back. I’m done even trying. Fuck if I know how I’m gonna pay rent, but I just don’t care. It’ll blow up in my face, but I don’t really care about that, either.

  2. I know nothing I can say will make it better, but I can’t imagine the stress. Gah! I really truly hope you keep on hanging on, keep on keeping on — it sounds unbelievably hard, but I do believe you can do it…you keep defying the odds, and I think you will continue to do so. My best wishes for you!

    • LOL, no stress when I don’t give a damn! I’m gonna go to the beach tomorrow and hang out with the terns and seagulls and pelicans. I’m done trying and caring and worrying. I’m just done, so I’m going to go swimming instead.

      • Perfect plan, let go of what your best efforts can not solve and hit the beach. (An approach I am guilty of not practicing enough in my own life!)

  3. Trust me I understand the invariable pressure that life puts on a person with multiple mental disorders. I’m 35. My life is almost half over and I feel like I’ve lived enough struggle for five lives. You can make it through. Fighting in public is what we do to make a difference. Let the world know how hard it is to live. That’s the mark we make. Living in the face of insurmountable odds. I’d care if your voice was gone.

    • I do a lot of fighting in public (I’m a political organizer), but it’s always for other people. I can’t imagine ever asking any of the politicians I’ve campaigned for to help me. I’ve internalized so much shame and stigma–most of the time I believe I deserve to suffer. I wish I could find the way to fight for myself.

  4. So sorry hope 😦 we have not much words but we listen and read. Wish we could do more.

  5. Thinking of you, don’t give up. I’m always here to listen, I can tell you have so many lives that you have touched just by reading your comments alone. I wish I could be of more help, but keep writing and get those feelings out there. ❤

  6. It’s better to take a break. These kinds of problems are unbelievably stressful. Sending caring wishes.

    • Yeah, I think at this point, disconnecting and not caring is the only way I’m surviving. It’s probably not the best coping method, but…it’s what I’ve got.

  7. Sometimes fuck it is the way to go for a while..still here..listening and sending good vibes *sometimes those make it thru the fuck its* if not screaming *fuck it* with u…

  8. Call a crisis line NOW. If you are in the US, call 1-800-273-8255
    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

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