If I stick my fingers in my ears and hum real loud…

Feeling physically blehhh today.  My left shoulder is really hurting me.  I’ve been having pain in the joint for the last six or eight weeks, but now it’s spread to the muscles in my shoulder, upper arm, and the side of my neck.  Moving my arm from the shoulder at all hurts.

I should probably go to the doctor, but I probably won’t.  I’m always afraid my PCP will think I’m just a hypochondriac because I’m crazy and already have so many things wrong with me.  Hell, a lot of the time I feel like I’m a hypochondriac.

Even if I did go see him, I doubt he’d do anything but refer me for PT, which I have no way of getting to.  Honestly, I also just don’t have great faith in physical therapist.  I went through five of them for my lower back with zero improvement.  I guess I could go back to the physiatrist I saw for my back, but he’d probably just want to do cortisone shots, which I’m not thrilled about in general.

And honestly I just don’t want another doctor to tell me something else is wrong with me.  PCP’s already concerned about my pulse–I have a high resting heart rate (upper 80’s) that gets even higher when I stand up–and thinks I may have heart issues.  I basically just blew him off about that because NOPE NOTHING ELSE WRONG WITH ME.

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I did manage to sit out on the porch swing and work on a shawl I’m knitting for myself.  The hazards of outdoor knitting: when your ball of brown yarn rolls off the porch and into the bushes, it’s very hard to find because camouflage.  I also blocked my sister’s shawl.



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My sister’s shawl (Portico by Kirsten Kapur) blocking on a towel on the couch.

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My shawl, WIP.  (Rockefeller by Stephen West)



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9 responses to “If I stick my fingers in my ears and hum real loud…

  1. Jay

    Sorry to hear your body is failing you! Can only imagine how frustrating it must be 😦 on a more positive note, I guffawed when you spoke about the hazards of outdoor knitting. Nice to know I’m not the only one whose knitting has been an adventure. You are really skilled. Those shawls are beautiful!

    • I think I’m the most uncoordinated knitter ever. I’m constantly chasing after balls of yarn. (Okay, sometimes that’s because I hurl them across the room in frustration, but still.)

      My personal favorite, though, was when I was in a psych unit once, and I was knitting a sock. I was knitting along and talking to a nurse, and then I stabbed the needle under my fingernail. Mid-sentence, I leapt out of my chair and screamed, “MOTHERFUCKER!” The poor nurse was totally confused until I regained enough composure to explain.

  2. I hope your shoulder eases up soon. that cant be any fun. LoL about your ball of wool, too funny! XX

  3. The shawls are exquisite. Your sister is lucky to be getting something so special.

  4. Love your knitting. Have you explored the wide variety of alternative healers? My last pain MD actually prescribe Chi Gung for my back pain! Many others get help with Tai Chi….

  5. woundstofeel

    woundstofeel has nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award! http://woundstofeel.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

  6. Your increased heart rate is probably related to the IBD. Dehydration can kick the heart rate up and so can electrolyte imbalances, mostly potassium. Plus I automatically have increased anxiety going to the doctor anymore. My heart rate has consistently been high since getting UC. So make sure you’re getting enough water and eat more bananas- That’s what they’re always telling me. Hope that helps!

    • I’ve had the high heart rate since long before I got sick with the UC, so I don’t think it’s that. It also happens no matter how well hydrated I am.

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