Someone friended me on Facebook tonight. I couldn’t for the life of me remember who she was, but we had three mutual friends, all people I knew from the 2 years I spent at a treatment center. So I approved her friend request even though I had no memory of her.
Then she posted on my timeline–along the lines of, “Hey, how are?” I gave a nondescript answer at first and then went to scour her page to see if I could figure out who on earth she was. Her pictures didn’t even look familiar.
Finally I texted B and asked him who the hell this person was. (B and I met at this program.) Apparently, she was my first nursing care coordinator (NCC). I met with her every day for months and saw her several times a week once she wasn’t my NCC anymore. This was only five years ago–it’s not like it’s been decades or anything.
I suspect most of this is caused by the ECT, although some of it might also be dissociation. I had 29 ECT’s the year after I left that program, and I lost most of my memories of the five years before the ECT, including the time I spent at this treatment program. But usually I’ve been able to at least recognize people and remember how I felt about them, even if I couldn’t remember why. For instance, B and I ran into another former patient. I remembered I didn’t like him but couldn’t remember why. I had to ask B why. Once he filled me in, I vaguely remembered the incident, and it made sense why I didn’t like him.
But this woman, I couldn’t remember at all. Once B told me she’d been my NCC, the first name clicked. Her picture is still totally foreign to me, though. It’s really weird when somebody knows you but you don’t know them. Luckily, my lifelong history of dissociation has made me really good at knowing how to act like I know what’s going on when I really have no idea.