Scattered (Bullet Point Edition)

I’m having trouble focusing on anything for very long, so this post will be in bullet point form.

  • You know that GI appointment next week that I’ve been waiting on for the last two months?  You know, the one I made because I’ve been shitting blood and something bright orange, not to mention having accidents in bed and leaking during the day and ending up in the ER twice.  Well, today the office called to cancel.  They told me they couldn’t fit me in again with anyone in the practice until August 12.  I cried on the phone.  It felt humiliating, but I just couldn’t stop it from happening.
  • I called my pushy former nurse, and she called them about it.  Now I have an appointment on June 12 with someone else in the practice, which is only one day later than the appointment was supposed to be.  I don’t want to know what she said to them to accomplish this.  And she’s going to come with me in case I need to be pushy about dealing with the fatigue and switching up some of my meds.
  • I went on the road with RFD and FO.  I was supposed to give a brief speech about my candidate at a Democratic Town Committee meeting.  We found out at the last minute that the meeting was canceled, so we had an impromptu phone bank at Panera with the three of us and one of our summer interns.
  • FO set up a meeting with a delegate we’re trying to persuade to vote for our candidate, and I got to lead part of the meeting.
  • I came home to discover that my landlady and several other people from my former treatment program tried to throw me a surprise party, which I kinda ruined by not showing up.  But I came home to find a vase of flowers, a jar of homemade peach jam, a vegan/gluten-free cheesecake, sparkling cider, and this awesome mug.  (Why yes, I am drinking the cider from the mug ’cause I’m classy like that.)

photo 1 photo 2

  • I feel bad that I missed my own party–I think they’d planned it for tonight because my landlady knows I almost always have Wednesdays off from campaign stuff–but it totally made my day to come home to presents.  It’s tangible proof that people remember me and care about me.  And it shows they know me, too, because the gifts are all things I love.  It’s so wonderful to be known.
  • I’m going on the road again tomorrow.  First we have a meeting north of my town, where I’ll be training the Senate District Whip for my senate district.  Then there’s another meeting east of us, and then we’re heading to HQ in Boston for a meeting, call time, and a party for the summer interns.  It’s gonna be a LONG day.
  • I absolutely LOVE working on campaigns.  On this campaign, I’m learning that I like leading and being in a position of authority.  I never thought I could be a good leader before this campaign–I’d always thought of myself as more of a foot soldier.  But I’m now recruiting people, training people, leading meetings.  Sometimes I can’t understand why anyone would trust me with so much responsibility for something so important, but then I realize they trust me with it because I’m reliable and I’m good at it.
  • I realized I’m learning to take constructive criticism with openness instead of feeling like I’m a terrible person who ruins everything and makes everyone hate her.  I used to replay anything vaguely critical for days, weeks, even years for some things.  Now, it’s still a little uncomfortable, but when RFD gives me feedback, I’m able to hear it, integrate it, and use it.  I think part of it might be that I’m now in a position to give other people feedback on their effectiveness, so I’m seeing the issue from the other side.
  • In a similar vein, I’m learning to ask questions instead of just being silent and pretending I know what’s going on.  I grew up being The Smart Kid Who Knew Everything, so I’m often afraid people will think I’m stupid if I don’t already know everything.  But there’s so much I want to know, and you can’t learn when you’re busy pretending you already know everything.
  • My colon is being a jerk, and I don’t have any pain meds.  This is probably payback for the liter of Diet Coke I drank so I could make it through the day, but now it’s keeping me awake.  I need to be up at 6:00, so my colon needs to go the fuck to sleep.


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9 responses to “Scattered (Bullet Point Edition)

  1. Wow, I started reading anticipating things were going to be pretty awful but surprise you have the tiger by the tail. Good work. Pushy nurse sounds like a great advocate.

    • I thought the day was going to be pretty awful when it started with the GI doc BS. So I was surprised and glad that it got a lot better after that.

      Pushy nurse is totally awesome. She’s been SO helpful with all my medical stuff, and since I’m not in the program anymore, she’s helping me without getting paid.

      • So people really do have good hearts. It is easy to forget they exist as they tend to be outnumbered.

      • It’s not so much that I doubt that the people around me have good hearts. It’s more that I cant believe that I have any place in their good hearts. But it’s getting less unbelievable, slowly.

  2. So many good things in your bulleted list (which I totally dig….I love list posts, myself 🙂 )! The birthday stuff is particularly awesome because it lets you know that people care. And your nurse is awesome for getting you that appt AND going with you to it. At least for today, things seem to be looking up for you, Miss Hope. I do hope they continue!

    • I like lists too. Then I don’t have to segue. My mind naturally skips around all over the place, so it’s often difficult to shape my writing into a structure that feels organized to other people.

      Things are looking up. Had another good day today.

  3. I’m glad that that you have a nurse that can make things happen! It pretty shitty that they cancelled your appointment. I hope your colon stops being a jerk soon so you can get some rest.

  4. Ohh I so love it when you start campaigning. You realize that your confidence and talent just shines through right? It makes me so happy to hear you taking charge. Sitting in the hospital cafeteria with a huge ass grin on my face just now. 🙂

    • 🙂

      Just wait till y’all have to read about the convention shit. I just ordered a new phone so I can even update from the floor. Well, okay, mostly I got the phone because it’s essential for the convention and my life in general, but being able to liveblog from the convention is an added bonus, if I have the time.

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