Triggered, Part 3

Still feeling very triggered and unsafe.  I’ve checked multiple times to make sure all the doors and windows in the apartment are locked.  But the front door to our apartment is flimsy–someone could easily kick it in if they wanted to.  There’s a main door to the house, but the landlady doesn’t even know where the keys to that door are because they never lock it.  This is one of those neighborhoods where people just don’t lock up.  It’s a dead-end street two miles from town, so people don’t really come here by accident.

But this guy was IN SOMEONE’S HOUSE a few doors down.  To be fair, knowing the neighborhood, he could’ve just walked right in through an unlocked door, but I don’t know that’s what happened.  He also could’ve broken in.  And on top of that, my landlady said her car was ransacked over the weekend.  So how often does this creeper wander around here, and WHY?

My sister offered, only half-joking, to give me a gun.  I would never have a gun in my house mostly because I worry about what I might do to myself with it when I’m not doing so well, but right now it sure would make me feel safer.  I’m seriously considering buying a bo staff and/or some other martial arts weapons just to make myself feel safer, but a long stick doesn’t strike fear into people’s hearts the way a pistol would.  Maybe a big knife.  There are enough outdoor stores around here that those should be easy to come by.

I only got a few hours of sleep, and not until it was light outside.  Even with my sleep meds, I mostly just tossed and turned.  I’m exhausted, but I don’t want to go to sleep.

My UC is flaring big-time too.  I had doubted that stress was much of a trigger for me until now because I handled all the campaign stressors without a flare (except the ones caused by going off steroids).  But apparently my body is just so used to that stuff that for it to be stressful enough to trigger a flare, it has to be a major PTSD trigger.  I’ve been to the bathroom 6 times already, and the pain is pretty bad.  Until last night, things had been improving since I’d been back on the steroids and an increased dose of 6-MP.  But apparently dealing with this was stressful enough to overcome the drugs and trigger a flare.  Fun times.  If that guy shows up again, I’m just going to fling shit at him.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Triggered, Part 3

  1. Mandy

    I understand your fear and stress. I’m afraid of the dark, which is my imagination. Your fear is fact-based. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with it. But I like your last sentence!

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