I don’t know what’s going on with me right now.
I’d been having a good day, out collecting signatures for both of my candidates. Gorgeous weather, no particularly nasty people, all was well.
And then, out of nowhere, I got slammed with a panic attack. It’s been months since I’ve had one–maybe more than a year. Luckily, I can have a panic attack without anyone else noticing most of the time, and I managed to pull it off this time too. But it SUCKED. It’s been an hour and a half, and I still don’t feel like I’m back on stable ground.
It bothers me that I don’t know what triggered it. Then I start worrying it’s going to happen again. (I know, I know, one of the hallmark symptoms of panic attacks, but it still sucks.) It’s especially stressful because my political work is the one area of my life where I consistently feel competent and feel like there’s a point to getting out of bed. If it starts triggering panic attacks, I won’t have anything left.
I listened to a guided meditation, which helped some–it brought down my heart rate and normalized my breathing, at least, and the panic is not quite as bad. I think I’m going to run a hot bath, read a book, and eat chocolate…and try not to worry about it happening again.
This probably is a signal I should at least consider finding a new therapist, isn’t it? *sigh*