Sometimes metaphors are useless.

Last night I dreamed that I walked into a big theater, and a woman told me I was going to dance the part of the Sugarplum Fairy in “The Nutcracker.”  This wasn’t one of those “oh god, I’m horribly unprepared” stage fright dreams–I was excited.  I’ve always wanted to dance, but I never got to learn.  (I got kicked out of ballet when I was 5 for being too hyper and disruptive.)  The woman told me it would be easy, she’d teach me.

She started doing my make-up, pink and green.  I was so happy.  I could hear the music starting to play.  I’d never danced before, but somehow I knew I’d do it perfectly.

Then the woman just melted away into a pool of water.  I thought maybe I could bring her back, but I didn’t know where to begin.  How do you turn water back into a woman?  The music stopped.  The dancing stopped.  Everything stopped.  She was in charge, and they couldn’t do the show without her.  And everyone was looking at me.  I didn’t know if they thought I’d made her disappear, if they were angry at me, if they expected me to bring her back, or what they thought.  They all just stood there, watching me, and I didn’t know what to do.

The dream’s been nagging at me all day.  It feels horrible–like a loss, like grief.  My instinctual interpretation is that this is about my relationships and trust.  I think someone has something to offer me to make my life better, changes start to happen, and then…nothing.  They’re just a puddle of water.  The trust that holds the relationship together melts, and then there’s nothing left.  I want to fix it, to put the relationship back the way it was, but I have no idea how.  It’s all dissolved; there’s nothing left of substance.  I’m left alone and empty-handed and unfulfilled.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that.  I wish my dreams would give me metaphors for where I go from here instead of just reflecting that I feel alone and untrusting.  I already understood those feelings; I don’t need metaphors to clarify them.  What I need is a way to turn the water back into a person, into a relationship, into trust.  But I guess even my subconscious mind doesn’t have answers about where I go from here.  There’s no answer and no comfort.

Of course, I also dreamed that SCOTUS struck down the buffer zone law in a 5-4 ruling.  Let’s hope that’s not a prophetic dream.

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9 Comments

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9 responses to “Sometimes metaphors are useless.

  1. What if the woman who turned into a puddle of water was sending the message that you did not need her, that the answers, the talent, the ability is really all inside you.

  2. Mandy

    Dreams really drive me crazy, too!

  3. I believe that dreams are a way our subconscious/spirit communicates. However, dreams are tricky. I don’t think they are likely to tell us things we already know consciously. Unless there is a deeper way of knowing or paying attention that we need to do. I believe whatever the message, it’s something we don’t already know.

    Your dream does seem to be about loss and childhood. What it means though only you can know.

    I have found some dreams too dark to work with – they just end up scaring me and making me feel worse, without much gain. Others open things up for me in an interesting way. However, I mostly make no headway with them on my own – my T is good with dreams, so I take them in to him. I am not gifted at divining meanings I think.

    I hope the dark feelings of the dream give way to something lighter for you.

    • Usually, when a dream sticks with me, asking myself what it makes me think of makes the meaning fairly clear. It probably seems like an intuitive leap to go from woman melting into a puddle of water to trust issues with therapists, but when it just “clicks” for me, I think it’s pretty accurate.

      Maybe there is something more subconscious in it. No intuitive answers come to me about that, though.

      I guess I just feel really desperate to find some answers about my situation from somewhere, even if it’s just from my subconscious mind.

  4. happilydpressed

    I think you’re blaming yourself for everything that has happened to you. You were subconsciously projecting your emotions into the way you think people see you, because that’s how you see yourself.

    Water can represent a lot. Don’t think of it as losing your chance. There’s always some reality to dreams. Some subconscious babble. You feel like people leave you, just when you’re about to have a breakthrough. When you’re about to be happy.

    This is just me interpreting the dream, as if I would have it myself. I dream a lot so I spend time contemplating this shit. And also going off what you said.

    And if I am right, if you do see yourself in these ways…maybe your dreams are trying to show you something. You may not know how to dance, but look how far you made it. I know it sucks to be taken out last minute but you have to fight forward. We all do.

    I’m very bad at it. But that will never stop me from having hope in other people. It’s strange. People strive to live for themselves. I want to see what you’re capable of. I know you can be great. You are a good person from when we’ve spoke. And your past is your past.

    Hold on to good memories and let go of the bad. Force people to see you in a positive light by first trying to see yourself. None of this is your fault. Life just really sucks sometimes, and good people are dealt shitty cards.

  5. You have such clarity with your dreams. I wish we did. I never can remember, unless they are nightmares…then of course I remember them. Ug. I’m sorry your going through this. XX

  6. Hi, I hope you don’t mind if I provide another analysis of your dream, but these were the thoughts that came to mind as I read it. (Keep in mind that you are always the best one to interpret your dreams and what feels right to you is likely always righter than anything I might come up with…On the other hand, if I provide food for thought, good!)

    The woman told you she would teach you, yes, but somehow you “knew you would do it perfectly” even before she had taught you a step (you who had been kicked out of ballet at 5 – which by the way should never happen to ANY hyper 5 year old, dance and ballet would be perfect for a hyper 5 year old!) Wonderful!
    Then she melted away into a pool of water. She HAD been in charge, yes, but now everyone looked to you. You weren’t SURE if they were mad at you, they just all stood there watching you…and you didn’t know what to do, now that you were in charge.

    You had been about to dance the fantasy role of fantasy roles, the Sugar Plum Fairy. Lovely role but not reality. You KNEW how to do it, without trying. But as soon as the woman in charge melted into water, everyone looked to you to take charge of reality. YOU were in charge. Yes, you didn’t know what to do, because fantasy has dissolved away and reality had taken its place. But isn’t that what life is like? We are suddenly thrown into roles for which we may or may not be prepared, but for which OTHERS look to us to take charge…You were afraid because you didn’t know what to do. Who would, in that situation. But maybe this is saying something about your larger life, that you feel thrust into other situations where people look to you to take charge and you also feel you don’t really know what to do, or perhaps your fear that those who protect your fantasy roles will dissolve and leave you in a reality you need to take charge of and won’t know what to do…

    The thing is, you can go back to this dream NOW and change it, write it out and change it to a better dream with a better ending. I mean this seriously. Write it out, and change the ending. Somehow. If the water cannot be changed back into the woman, what do you do. What CAN you do to fix the dream in a way that EMPOWERS you? This sort of exercise can be enormously helpful. I have done it myself when I used to suffer from nightly nightmares. When everyone is looking to you to take charge, what can you do that would resolve the dream in a way that makes you and everyone else comfortable but also doesn’t disempower you? (Remember, the same Sugar plum fairy show need not go on. You’re into political action. Be imaginative…)

    Regards.

    Pam Wagner

    PS Sorry if I way missed the boat on this…But I like dream interpretation, and do it all the time,..It is just that interpreting OTHERS dreams in fraught with danger. So take whatever I said with molto grains of salt ! 🙂

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