Abandoned

I’m feeling abandoned.  It doesn’t make a lot of sense in the present, I know that.  But I’m not sure I’m entirely in the present.  I’ve been feeling young–not sure how old, but definitely not adult.

S, the new case manager, was supposed to see us on Monday.  Somebody else from her office called about an hour before our appointment time and told me she was out sick.  He said she’d be in on Tuesday and would call me to reschedule.  It’s Wednesday night, and nobody has called–not her or anyone else from the office.

Part of me hopes they’ve just forgotten about us.  Then we don’t have to get to know S or decide if we want to trust her.  We wouldn’t have to bother with any of it.

But we also feel abandoned because she hasn’t called.  I mean, who else do we have?  No therapist anymore.  We see C once a week now, but only long enough to go grocery shopping, and we don’t really talk about anything important anymore because there’s no time.

We’re pretty badly depressed and switching a lot, and nobody knows because there’s nobody left who even cares enough to ask.  It feels really sad.  But then are we really allowed to feel sad?  We fired A; that was our choice.  And we could be looking for another therapist, but we haven’t.  I mean, we found some people online who might fit, and there’s even a way to email them, but we just haven’t.  We aren’t sure we want to try again with trusting anyone else.

So then what right do we have to feel abandoned and alone?  You’re doing this to yourself.

I just want to cry.  But I won’t, of course.

(not sure who’s writing; feeling really blendy and mish-mashed tonight)

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Abandoned

  1. kat

    im so sorry you are feeling so alone right now. i know that feeling well myself. i only have my 2 teens. no friends (in real life) and those who talk to me on my blog here. sometimes, that seems so crushing, so isolating. but then it helps to remember that we dont need others to validate us, to make us feel better. we can do all those things ourselves. we can enjoy life even. hope it helps a little….hope you feel better soon.

  2. Of course you have a right to feel sad guys. Thats normal and very natural given your circumstances. Im sorry you have nobody to trust right now in RL. Perhaps you should try again with a new t. Its something to mull over anyway. Sending you healing energy and a hug if you want…xxx

  3. I went through this same thing when an appointment is canceled and they are suppose to call the next day, even when not dealing with much support others. It’s okay to feel that way and I would too. I’m thinking of you.

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