We just sent an email to A, telling her we quit therapy. It was a really bad session this morning, and we just cannot take any more. But now we’re panicking. What if she calls the cops on us or something? We’re not suicidal or anything, but the cops never believe the crazy people. And in two hours we’re supposed to have another meeting with someone from DMH, and we’re really not in a good headspace for that either.
Anyway, this is the letter we sent.
We’re done. We’re not coming back to therapy because it’s doing more harm than good, and that’s too high a price. You keep making all these assumptions and judgments without ever questioning if they’re right. You’ve never asked if they’re right. Lately, they’re usually wrong.
You assume we’re just archetypes or subpersonalities, but you’re wrong. We’re parts, but we’re also individual and complex people in our own right. Maybe we were just subpersonalities once, but as we interacted with each other and the outside world, we grew beyond simple archetypes like “wounded child” or “protector.”
You assume that those of us who are hesitant to trust are children and are stuck in the past, but you’re wrong. We’re among the oldest/most adult parts in our system, and we’re almost always firmly rooted in the present. Sure, our feelings and decisions are colored by our past experiences–but no more than yours are.
But you don’t want us around; you only want Hope because you’ve decided she’s the only real person. But you can’t have her without us, and we’re as real as her and you. We understand that must be hard to grasp when you’ve only ever experienced being one person, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve made any effort to understand us. You won’t even talk to us. You obviously know we’re out (at least some of the time) because you say so, but you never talk to us. You talk about us to Hope, even when Hope’s not present. You look right at us and call us by her name. You ask over and over if we’re present, but you’ve never once asked who’s present. At this point we wouldn’t trust you enough to tell you, but you never even made an effort.
And when you get someone you don’t like, which basically means anyone who’s not Hope or good at pretending to be her, you try to make us switch. You just shove us aside like we don’t even matter. You say it’s grounding, but you’re wrong. Most of us who you’ve dealt with are already oriented in the present, but you want Hope back. And you don’t even have the guts to admit it. You ask questions about her interests or bring Zelda (A’s dog) over because you know that’ll get her back. It’s manipulative, and it’s not okay. Unless the one who’s out is a danger to self or others or is a kid too young to be out safely on their own, you have NO RIGHT to make us switch against our will. You never asked if we wanted to switch or were willing to–you just manipulate us into it. That’s a HUGE violation of trust.
We don’t trust you anymore, and we don’t want to. And yes, that includes Hope too. So we’re done.