Fair warning: this whole post is just me ranting and whining like a spoiled entitled bitch. Feel free to ignore it.
I want to kill people right now.
DMH–the people who said, “We already have 200 clients. Which of those do you want us to drop so we can serve her?”–sent me a registered letter today. Like 15 minutes ago. Saying that if I don’t call them by tomorrow, they’ll deny my application for services. And the woman I’m supposed to talk to isn’t answering, and her voicemail is full. And I have five million things to do tomorrow. Seriously. I see my psychiatrist and then my gastroenterologist and then my therapist. I have to switch my voter registration to my new address before the deadline, have a phone interview for food stamps, and go to the food bank if I want to have anything to eat, not that they have much food I can eat to give me.
It’s probably a good thing this woman’s voicemail is full because my message would say something to the effect of, “Look, bitch, you’ve talked to my team leader multiple times, and you know I’m in need of services. I’ve legally authorized her to speak to you on my behalf, and I know she told you to go through her for stuff. I don’t fucking know you, and I have an irrational fear of talking to people I don’t know on the phone–something that, you know, is part of my MOTHERFUCKING MENTAL ILLNESS. Which is why I need services. But you assholes have clearly demonstrated that you’re more interested in finding excuses to deny me services instead of help me, so go fuck a cactus, bitch. Preferably one of the poisonous ones.”
I also got a letter from Medicaid denying me transportation to my appointments with my therapist because “provider/facility is outside locality.” NO FUCKING SHIT. That’s why I need GODDAMN TRANSPORTATION. To get to her, I’d have to walk two miles–either along a busy road with no shoulder or along railroad tracks, either one of which could endanger my life. Then I have to take 3 buses, with layovers where I have to wait outside–and we’ve been having windchills of -15. Then I have to walk half a mile uphill on a road which is, due to the aforementioned frigid temperatures, icy and dangerous. And did I mention that I have a bone spur and arthritis in my lumbar spine and sacroiliac joint, which causes significant pain when I’m on my feet for longer than 30 minutes a day? Or that my severe autoimmune disorder often leaves me so weak that standing for long periods of time is impossible?
It’s too bad none of this happened yesterday, before I went to the forum where I met the current state attorney general who will probably, according to polling data, be our next governor. She particularly mentioned, more than once, that she wants to increase access to mental health care and decrease the stigma, and I could’ve asked her what she’s doing about bullshit like this.