Lately I just feel empty. I’m lonely, I’m bored, and nothing holds my interest. I want to do SOMETHING, but I’ll be damned if I know what.
I used to think it would be awesome to wear my pajamas and watch Netflix all day. In reality, it sucks.
I want to work on a campaign. I want to fight with people. I want to get excited. I want to feel like I’m doing something that matters.
It all feeds into my belief that I’m worthless, that my family was right about me all along, that I’m lazy and unmotivated and want everybody else to take care of me. Then I feel like I ought to be dead. I’m not actively suicidal, but I can’t stop thinking that I’m worthless and the world would be better off without me.
I just don’t know how to do anything. By the time I walk the two miles to town, I’m already exhausted and in major pain–and therefore useless to do anything else. I can get transportation for medical appointments, but for everything else, I’m shit outta luck.
I’m alone and useless.