We want to cancel therapy. Permanently.
I mean, she doesn’t want to hear about us. Just Hope. When she tries to bring it up, A says stuff like, “Everyone has parts.” Well, sure, but not like us, okay? It’s not the same thing. At all. So quit blowing us off.
And she doesn’t get what it’s like for us with other stuff either. Like the bus trip to see her. Since we don’t have a team anymore, we don’t have rides anymore. It takes four buses and three hours each way, and by the end of it we’re in so much pain we can’t function for days after that. And she’s like, “We can occasionally do a phone session if you can’t make it.” OCCASIONALLY? Try EVER, lady. She knows we’re dealing with chronic pain and chronic illness, but she doesn’t GET it. I mean, she made Hope say she’d go out every day even though she knew how hard it is for us to get anywhere, and if we went back she’d probably be mad cause we didn’t even leave the house. But whatever.
It’s not like we’re actually getting anywhere or anything. We don’t even talk about anything that matters most of the time. So what’s the point of spending 6 hours getting there and back home and causing ourself more pain? There’s no point in that.
She’ll disappear eventually anyway, just like everybody else. That’s what always happens. People don’t stick around I guess cause we’re difficult or something, I don’t know. So this time we’re gonna disappear before she does. Just call and cancel the next appointment and then just never go back. I just hope she doesn’t actually answer the phone cause if she does, then she’ll get us to come back and we’ll feel guilty and then we’ll be stuck going even though there’s no point.
I know everybody’s gonna tell me it’s stupid to stop going or say just find a different therapist. I tried, believe me. We spent 6 months trying to find somebody and had really bad experiences with 3 different therapists. One even sent us to the ER when we dissociated even though she’d SAID she’d dealt with people like us before. Everybody near us who deals with DID either doesn’t take our insurance or isn’t taking any new patients. So we’re just shit outta luck cause not everyone is lucky enough to be able to just find a better therapist like it’s no big deal. So maybe I’m being stupid but I don’t care anymore.