I’ve had trouble breathing intermittently for around two weeks and coughing for about a week. I went to the doctor last Thursday, but I don’t think she believed me. I wasn’t wheezing, and my O2 sat was normal. I told her most of the time it’s not wheezing, it’s feeling like somebody’s squeezing my lungs so I can’t get a breath. My inhaler helps a little, but not well enough or long enough.
Now I’m doubting myself. Could it all be psychosomatic? I’ve had that happen before when certain memories come up.
My father’s favorite torture method was oxygen deprivation. My first split, when I was three, happened when my father nearly drowned us in the bathtub. He would sometimes cover my mouth and pinch my nose shut, and other times he’d smother me with a pillow. I’d do whatever he wanted if he’d just let me breathe.
But those memories haven’t been coming up for me. I guess it could be a part experiencing it, but I don’t feel like I’m getting passive influence. But dissociation is weird, so it could be that. It would explain why my breathing sounds good and my vitals are normal and my inhaler isn’t working. All that makes sense if it’s all just in my head.
But it could be a real physical issue. It wouldn’t be the first time a doctor’s blown me off because we all know psych patients never get sick, don’tcha know. I’ve got complex medical issues, and the doctor could’ve missed something. She said if I needed my inhaler more than twice a day, I should go to the ER. But I don’t think it’s that serious, and I don’t want to be treated like a hypochondriac again. I’m going to talk to S, my nurse, about whether I should make an appointment with my PCP, but it could take a while to get an appointment.
I just wish I could determine if this is physically real or psychosomatic. I’m going to talk about it tomorrow in therapy, but I don’t know if A will have answers. How do I tell?