Ready to Scream

Since apparently severe ulcerative colitis wasn’t enough to deal with, now my asthma is flaring up too. Had to go to urgent care this morning because my PCP couldn’t see me until next week.

But urgent care sucks. The doctor didn’t believe me because I wasn’t wheezing right then. I TOLD her I’d used my albutetol inhaler right before I came, and it’s always worse at night. She kept staring at our scars. She asked why I didn’t just go to my GI doc (for asthma?!) or PCP. Well, gee, sorry for coming to a medical practice for medical treatment. She was snippy when I said I had to use the inhaler three times last night and said I should’ve just gone to the ER. We just wanted to cry when we left.

I’m just totally exhausted from all the medical stuff. Some of it might be side effects from the immunosuppressant–waiting on lab results. But I just don’t have any energy. I almost started crying in the grocery store because I was so tired I could barely stay standing up, and I left without most of what I needed. I need more spoons–just getting out of bed and getting dressed uses up all my spoons most days lately. I hate this.

Sorry. I know I’m ranting about my health a lot lately, but I guess I need an outlet.



Filed under health

2 responses to “Ready to Scream

  1. MN


    Listening and angry on your behalf that you were treated so dismissively. Most of all, I’m sorry you’re facing such exhausting, triggering medical issues. Coming back was supposed to be a time for you to celebrate and practice using what you accomplished…not have new mounds of trauma heaped on your plate.

    I had to look up what you meant about spoons. It’s a good analogy. The first thing I thought of when you said it was that old youtube video of the ghoul who follows a guy around for his whole life, just hitting him with a spoon again and again and again and again and again (The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon). I sometimes think that’s a good analogy for long stretches of life, too.

    I’m glad you are venting. Gentle thoughts and courage,

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