I’m having trouble in therapy with self-assessing how I’m doing. Often, when my therapist asks how I’m doing or what I’m feeling, all I can tell her is, “I’m okay.” I just haven’t been feeling strong emotions, good or bad. Today was like that, and it frustrated me because I know something is off when I’m not feeling things. I’ve got a lot of things going on in my life right now that I should be having feelings about.
I said I wondered if I was dissociated. I didn’t feel the blankness I usually get when I’m dissociating feelings, but one of the things I learned when I was hospitalized recently was that I have a broader range of dissociative experience than I realized. I found out that there are times, particularly in therapy, when I think I’m present and grounded, but later I can’t remember all or part of the session.
I do remember all of today’s therapy session, and I felt fine all through the session. But after I left, I got slammed with depression, anxiety, and exhaustion. I’m not sure what’s bringing up these feelings, and all I get when I ask inside is a bunch of indecipherable noise.
I have no idea how to work with this issue. How do I deal with the feelings when I don’t know where they’re coming from? How can i get and stay grounded if I cannever be sure if I’m dissociating? How can I make progress in therapy when my parts can’t/won’t (not sure which) let me feel things? It feels like such an impossible situation, but there have to be solutions I’m just not seeing.